I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
