Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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