I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
