just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
