Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
