Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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