look no pants
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
