I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
