plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
