yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
