Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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