next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
