is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
