Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
