ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
