a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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