I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
