...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
