Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
