Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
