dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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