wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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