K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
