I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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