these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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