Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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