Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
