# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
