my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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