He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
