He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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