i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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