you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
