my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
