I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
