Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize