You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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