Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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