put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
