my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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