Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
