I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need moral support for this bender
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
