The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
