I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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