He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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