I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she pinky promised me she was 18
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
