apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
