this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
