why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
