So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had sex on a dog bed..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
