I have demons in me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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