I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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