How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
