honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
