every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
zippers are such a cool invention
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
