Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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