We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
