I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
