Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
