dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
