the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
