So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
