We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Couch. On fire.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
