exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
