fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
