i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
