she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Even my vagina gasped.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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